It's getting more and more difficult to keep from contacting Jan. And it's strange, since it's not because I want to talk to him.
I went out last night with a friend whose divorce has followed a very similar path. As with us, her husband made his mind up long before he left, but waited until there was another woman available so he wouldn't feel too alone.
Meanwhile, I reached out too much to P. today, and ended up annoyed with myself and disappointed.
I don't even think I love him. I think I just can't stand being by myself. I'm waiting for someone/anyone to fill the gap.
Think about that for a moment. To avoid being alone, I'd rather fight with my ex-husband who I don't really miss, or have contact with my married lover who I don't really love, except as a friend.
Who's the sad one in this relationship? Well? Well?
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