I realized that I tend mostly to have a difficult time not calling my husband when I am angry. When I miss him or when I'm sad, I can leave it out, but not when I'm angry.
When I'm angry, I want him to feel the same amount of pain I'm feeling because of our divorce.
I know it doesn't work. I know he doesn't feel badly, and that it only makes me look crazy to keep calling to shout at him.
At first, since he said his reason was I didn't love him enough, I kept trying to tell him how much I loved him. This was even stupider than shouting at him.
Yesterday, my friend asked me if I wanted him to be miserable the rest of his life. My other friend said "of course not".
But I didn't answer.
Maybe, yes, I do. Maybe because I feel I'm going to be miserable the rest of my life.
I'm reading all these books which talk about how to fix your relationship, and realize he didn't do one thing to try except expect me to be different. And I hate him so much, because I believed him so completely.
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