I phoned Patte. I texted him and he told me to call, so I did. It was intended to be a short conversation, but we spoke for hours.
Nothing changes. But we agreed to spend some time together the weekend he is here, just to let it sink a little bit, and to cut our relationship face to face.
I feel weak, but I also feel better.
Is this addiction?
He felt better, and he was angry because I had promised him I would not cut him off like that. Does that make it better? He was sobbing on the phone.
It doesn't make it better.
My logic-- at least the NC will be with both of our consent, and not by an email as though he had done something wrong. I'll lose a week and a half of progress, and some pride. And then he moves.
Did I forget to mention that? He's moving. To an even more distant time zone. So at least the temptation to have a repeated sequence of last goodbyes will be avoided.
Or maybe he'll call back to change his mind. Or maybe I will.
For whatever it's worth, I told him I hadn't changed our mind about being able to be in contact in the long run. I also told him I was not willing to sleep with him. Do I think that makes a difference?
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