Day 4-- That didn't take long.

I phoned Patte. I texted him and he told me to call, so I did. It was intended to be a short conversation, but we spoke for hours. 

Nothing changes. But we agreed to spend some time together the weekend he is here, just to let it sink a little bit, and to cut our relationship face to face.

I feel weak, but I also feel better. 

Is this addiction? 

He felt better, and he was angry because I had promised him I would not cut him off like that. Does that make it better? He was sobbing on the phone.

It doesn't make it better.

My logic-- at least the NC will be with both of our consent, and not by an email as though he had done something wrong. I'll lose a week and a half of progress, and some pride. And then he moves. 

Did I forget to mention that? He's moving. To an even more distant time zone. So at least the temptation to have a repeated sequence of last goodbyes will be avoided.

Or maybe he'll call back to change his mind. Or maybe I will.

For whatever it's worth, I told him I hadn't changed our mind about being able to be in contact in the long run. I also told him I was not willing to sleep with him. Do I think that makes a difference?